...gets me every time.

So...it's been a while again since I've been here. I miss it in a way. Man...

So much is happening in these next few months. I hope I can handle it all.

April:
-Quitting work (I can't take that kid anymore)
-Working on projects for my classes
-Working on the carnival in May
-Doing homework
-Preparing for my performance
-Birthdays everywhere
-Sadly, same with funerals
-Practice for Pentecost Mass

May:
-May 1st carnival
-May 10th VCN
-Mother's day
-Pentecost Sunday Mass (Altar-serving that one)
-Prepare for the worst financially
-...and more...

June:
-Prom
-Birthday?
-Prepare for the road trip

July:
-Possibly AX '08
-Possibly road trip around the US
-CSUN registration

GAH! So much to do!! >_<;; Got to take things....one step at a time...

Sometimes, I don't know anymore...

Who can I rely on? Who are my friends? Who will be there for me hand in hand? Who will bring that happiness to my life?

It seems that...the only person I could rely on...the only person who is a real friend...the only person that will always be there...the only person that will bring happiness is...myself. I know it sounds concieted, but it's the conclusion I have come up with.

I can't seem to trust anyone.

He was right, there is only one person that will always be there for you, and that's yourself. Only I could do the things I want to do....

I guess I have to do what I have to do. I have to stop relying on others. I have to stop relying on the friendships that come and go. I have to stop hoping there's someone that will be there hand in hand. I have to stop relying on people for my happiness.

It's not an "I have" anymore...it's an "I must..."

Trust...friendship...loyality...joy...are they really there? I have no faith in that anymore....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like I'm going crazy! You have been on my mind for like...ever, and now you're entering in my dreams! >.<;; *sighs* It wasn't a bad thing though, but more like...like...a really good one. You came into my arms and jumped for joy to me. You even tackled me down on the floor just to say, "I'm sorry for what I have done." Why is it that, even though there is no way we could get together now, that you still enter even in my dreams? Now, I can't even stop thinking about you...it's just too weird...am I liking you again? Is this my way of liking someone? AHHHHH! I just got out of something, but my heart wants to start again! I don't like my heart! My heart and my mind are just...ugh! They're fighting for someone...someone...someone that is usually with me on certain days...but...this week, I might get to see this person every time like usual because of certain events that is occurring this week...and yet, I feel so saddened...I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY!!! *sighs* You're in my mind like almost 24/7 now, you're the one that completes the day, and now you're even entering in my dreams that tries to complete the dreams...what the hell is going on?!? I'm so lost and confused now...;_;